Wednesday, June 06, 2007

shove this jay-oh-bee.

i'll be the first one to tell you - i'm one of the lucky ones. one of the people that actually likes getting up in the morning and going to my job. i know, puke in ya shoes.

but that doesn't mean that i haven't worked some stupid jobs in my time. we all have.

the things that people will put up with in order to have a little cash in their pocket is amazing.

and today, here at wex wednesdays, that's what we're going to discuss. the wackest things you've ever done for money. the worst jobs.

for me, it's:

1. Driving Range Golf Ball Collector. age 16. that's right. you know at the driving range - that dude who rolls around in the tractor scooping up the golf balls? that was me. crazy part was, my tractor had a plexiglass windshield that had a huge hole in it (probably from repeated high-speed golf ball bashings). see, as soon as i'd come out on the range, every person there would immediately make me their target. and once, a golf ball came right thru that hole in the windshield and missed my head by a few inches. i quit that day.
Late Night Shift Waiter at 24 Hour Diner. age 15. at first, i thought this one was going to be the shit. all cash, hardly any customers, had days free to do other shit, etc. wrong wrong wrong. you know who comes into the 24 hour diner in south florida at 4am? the drunken/high/fucked up unwashed, that's who. and the drunken/high/fucked up unwashed don't tip. believe that.
3. Amusement Park Bumper Boat Operator. age 15/16. it's a small pond. there's gas operated mini boats in it. kids everywhere. screaming. falling in the pool. asshole parents thinking all of it's my fault. i had to jump in that gas filled shithole several times. one of which claimed my beeper. remember beepers? mine was clear... WITH the beeper chain hangin. what what.

come to the wex wednesdays dj night at angels and kings. it's weds june 13 at 9:30pm. it's free. there's cheap drinks. there's me and diggedy spinnin dope hip hop records.

thank you, that is all.

deejay wex.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Wex + Waiter = Wild

I can't even imagine you waiting my table homey. I would check every ounce of my burger for spit.

My worst job? Hmmmmm. Well, in order to see the Yankees play the Mets at Shea for the Subway series many years ago, I took a job FOR the Mets working on promotional days. When they handed out shit to people coming in, that was me giving it to them. We were given strict instructions to never give someone more than 1 thing. And without fail, a posse of scalpers would always come up to me asking for more. I'd say "no", they'd threaten me and show me how many tickets they had. So each time it would end like this : they'd come in to the stadium, take a f*cking key chain, immediately leave the stadium, re-enter with another ticket, take a f*cking key chain, etc etc. All that for an ID that allowed me into the park for the Yanks series. I didn't even get a discount on hot dogs.

12:09 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

yup, and it wasn't my only time as a waiter too. in college, i was a waiter at a... get this... CHILIS. it lasted about 6 months. no lie, i gained almost 30 pounds working there. the only reason i'm glad i had that job is that it gave me a lot of respect for waitstaff. and now i'm hella good tipper. but yes, diggedy, i was a prick waiter. definitely.

12:38 PM  
Blogger Charlie said...

the yankees tried to offer me a job where i only had to show up once every 5 games but i hurt my groin and had to bow out.

1:16 PM  
Blogger Russ the Bus said...

i've done every job there is in a restaurant, except bartending. the worst was dishwasher/prep cook in a seafood restaurant in Fla. i've never smelled worse, it was a heady bouquet of garbage and old fish.

I worked in a toll booth one summer (also in Fla). And this happened to be the summer they introduced SunPass (the Fla version of easy pass) and it didnt really work right, so every other day i had to stand there and make sure the lift gate went up when people drove through, and pick up people's change when they dropped it at the exact change lane. i still dont know why this job even exists it's awful, so very very boring.

maintenance at a Beall's dept store, every few days some old woman would explode in the ladies room, and there i was wiping shit off the walls.

then there was the record store, which should have been the shit, except everybody that worked there listened to emo. the fourth day i was there one of my coworkers asked me to throw some tunes on the PA. so i pull out "paid in full," garaunteed crowd pleaser, at the time i didnt know ANYONE who didnt like this album. Before rakim could say "i aint no..." the manager comes flying in, apparently terrified by the sound of an 808, like "YOU CANT PLAY THAT IN HERE!!!" Quit the next day.

1:52 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Teufel Shuffle with worst joke of the year honors.

5:27 PM  
Blogger Kev frum BROOKLYN! said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

11:11 PM  
Blogger Kev frum BROOKLYN! said...

worked the 9am-1pm shift at the weight room desk checking i.d.'s in college ...on SUNDAYS!!! No one ever brought their i.d. and argued about their right to use the gym and there was always the random faculty member there at 9 on the dot giving me that why isn't the gym open already? look. I lasted about 2 and a half months before I resigned because nursing a saturday night hangover in a gym just wasn't fun.

Warning, the following is real depressing, not for me but the people involved...

I also taught kindergarten in an afterschool program in Chinatown. My students included a girl that refused to pee when we took them to the bathroom and ultimately would wet herself 1-2x a week; a physical abused genius who's grandmother put him in the trash in front of the school and left him there; and the kid who had 2-3 outfits that he shared with his sibling. I ended up quiting because other reasons.

11:13 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I never really had a job I hated, but I did have a few interesting jobs growing up. My first job was at Six Flags Great Adventure. My brother was a rides supervisor, and got me hired to work on the new Batman ride. Hands down the WORST uniform ever. We had to dress in a lame-ass tuxedo, with a bow tie. When the weather was 90+ they were gracious enough to give us dress shorts (but we still had to rock the long sleeve tuxedo shirt with vest and bowtie!) Becuase I was a minor, they tended to leave me out "guarding" the Batmobile at the front gate. It wasn't a bad job though, you meet TONS of people, I even got to strap Mariah Carey in one day. :)

I also worked at one of those Play Gyms, where little kids go and rent it out for partys and stuff. I had to run around, play corny games, sing songs, and "host" birthday partys. It was a pretty good gig until I showed up for work one day, and the place was empty. (Still don't know what happened.)

And for the most ironic job ever. . . I delivered beer one summer (you know, in those Coors Light trucks you see all the time!) and I don't drink.

3:20 PM  
Blogger Russ the Bus said...

i heard guys who drive those trucks get free beer. is this true? just wondering

5:26 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Yes. . . usually at the end of the week you would get to bring like a case of something home. Also, when you went to bars on deliveries you basically get whatever you want. . . food, drink. . . it was pretty cool.

5:30 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

delivering kegs will make you strong like bull. it ain't no joke.

5:43 PM  
Blogger Russ the Bus said...

not bad

7:10 PM  
Blogger Charlie said...

i used to toss empty kegs back in the day, but not for pay.

8:54 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I KNEW I recognized K Dot from somewhere.

It was the Batman ride!

Did anyone find my sunglasses on the grass yet?

10:51 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Suglasses. . . absolutely.

We would also find boatloads of money, and about a dozen beepers a day off that ride!!

Delivering kegs was fun. . . the first week I must have dropped a dozen of those things down the stairs of bars/liquor stores. But you get used to it, and before you know it you've got 2-3 on a handtruck bouncing it down the steps! Ah. . . the good ol' days!

3:43 PM  

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