Wednesday, March 21, 2007

no rules.

there's no rules to this shit... i wrote me a manuel...

who says wex wednesday's has to be about hip hop? what, just because it's a blog on "hip hop" karaoke.com? whateva man.

today, we're going to discuss the top 5 annoying things about walking around New York City. and don't get it twisted, i LOVE this city. i wouldn't want to live anywhere else. but that doesn't mean it can't get under my skin every now & then.

1) the noise. my feelings on this were best summed up by that line in the Astoria, Queens based movie "A Guide to Recognizing Your Saints". but luckily, i just got these new headphones that help block out all of it, while also sounding fucking amazing.
2) sidewalk drifters/doorway blockers/stop shorters/large group taking up the whole sidewalk horizontally'ers. need i say more? don't be one of these people. pay attention when you're walking around the city. walk straight, know what's going on around you, be considerate of the others that have to share the same dog shit pile-lined sidewalk that you do.

3) the (summertime) smell. i used to live on avenue B. and the walk during the summer from 8th street up to 14th street on avenue B was enough to make a grown man shed a tear. a smell that mixed dead rats with urine with rotting trash. the shit should be bottled up and used for for riot control.
4) traffic/waiting on trains/buses. there's really no way to avoid it. thanks to Robert Moses, traffic plagues us everywhere we go. whether you're in your car (or your girlfriends car, in my case), or standing on the platform... it's traffic that is keeping you from reaching your destination in the amount of time you want to. the bottomline is, there's like a gabillion people
(an official statistic) living on a small piece of land - and because of that, we all gotta wait. so wait.
5) cell phones. this sort of files under #1, but yea. cell phones. cell phone etiquette, or lack thereof, is a big problem for me. look, i know that you CAN talk on your phone right now because the N train is above ground... but you have to understand, we're all stuck in this sardine can right now, and maybe all of us don't want to hear about your night out at the club. oh, and the fucking nextel walking talky shit?! are you kidding me?! now not only do i have to hear your end of the conversation, but i gotta hear what your man is saying too?! just be considerate people, it'll make the world a better place.

*disclaimer, i'm sure i've been guilty of contributing to all of the above at some point or another. but the difference is, i'm aware of that.
*another disclaimer, i'm fully aware that some of the above is part of what makes NYC, NYC. what would this city be without that rat garbage piss smell?? it might be Boston. and who the fuck wants that??


haha... all in good fun ya'll. maybe next time i'll do the 5 best things about walking around the city. they're definitely there.

peace -

dj "highest horse" wex.

**ADDENDUM to my post. this morning, above ground on the N train... this man proceeded to really "take it there" with the loudest cell phone conversation in subway history. his name was Manuel... coincidence? i think not. ok, that's bullshit, but it would have been awesome, no?

21 Comments:

Anonymous RDJ said...

6. Motherfuckers driving crazy fast on service roads in Brooklyn (e.g. alongside Ocean Parkway) and not stopping at stop signs.

7. School buses full of Hasidic children, trying to run me over. The other night I almost yelled out, "YOU KNOW, I DON'T THINK PEDESTRICIDE IS A MITZVAH, LAST TIME I CHECKED, ASSHOLE!" What's the hurry? It's not like the Mashiach's coming anytime soon. (That's Messiah for all you Gentilians. See, we don't believe he's come yet. That's just how we do.)

My early vote for the best thing: all the one-way streets makes it hella easy to jaywalk.

Oh, and Wex? Unless you wrote you a Spanish guy (like the butler on Fawlty Towers), I'm guessing you didn't write you a "manuel". Better know dat.

Not content to spin tracks without syntax that's intact,
RDJ

9:40 PM  
Anonymous wex said...

ha! manuel... hilarious. i'm not even gonna edit it... too funny.

10:26 PM  
Anonymous Diggedy said...

MANUEL! MORE OIL PLEASE!

My biggest peeve is number 2.

I feel like I'm in a game of Frogger walking around the city.

What song is playing in my headphones directly effects the nature with which I choose to push through.

11:08 PM  
Anonymous Robert Downey Jr. said...

By the way, I was in "A Guide To Recognizing Your Saints." So I know something about that Queens noise.

12:33 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

That sidewalk blocking shit pisses me the hell off too. You ever walked in Chinatown midday. Folks be walking at the speed of one block and hour. I respect old people, but I be like, "Granny move out the way, I got money to make."

1:44 AM  
Blogger The Suit said...

1) retard that won't move out of the way for people to get on the train when the doors open b/c said retard wants to be the first off the train when said train stops at said retard's stop.

2) tough guys from toledo (or cherry hill or whatever suburban town) who think they own the sidewalk and have some unexplicable need to engage all comers in staring contests. i'm personally extending an invitation to any such tough guy to take a voyage with me to east new york. the voyage will go like this - we take the C to euclid, i leave tough guy at the corner of sutter, and tough guy then commences sidewalk ownership and staring contests. good luck with that.

7:02 AM  
Anonymous RDJ said...

C'mon Suit, don't be so hard on the guy. After all, he's a retard. :)

8:42 AM  
Anonymous Diggedy said...

To expand on the suit and the subway.. The biggest pet peeve of them all for me is when it IS my stop, and I try to get off, and there are 20 people bum rushing the now open door so that they can get a seat. It's reached the point where as long as it's not a child or person with a cast, I treat the like bowling pins.

OH ALSO

Another subway no-no that pisses me the f*ck off. You take the train every day for however many years, and you get "your spot" on the platform waiting for the train.. You know exactly where to stand, so that when the train stops, you're right by the door. Without fail, there is always some jackass who, when the train begins to slow down, literally walks with the door until it stops. I want to throw them on the tracks. I've just started to box them out now like Oakley.

God I hate the subway.

11:43 AM  
Blogger The Suit said...

definitely a fan of the boxout technique. it has served me well.

1:15 PM  
Blogger Paul Haney said...

Number 2 is spot-on. The absolute worst are the spring/summer tourists who stand in the middle of busy sidewalks like deer-in-headlights. Fuckers.

3:48 PM  
Anonymous Dee Phunk said...

I think Times Square as a whole is one of my pet peeves of NYC. I've lived here all my life too. I hate stepping foot or even driving through Times Square. A couple of weekends ago, I attended a b-day affair @ Night Hotel. And me and my boy Eric decided we were just gonna walk up like 5 or 6 blocks to see what was poppin' at this other spot.

In those 5 medium-length blocks, I was solicited by at least three emcees trying to sell me a mixtape w/ the cover they drew in marker, some chick SCREAMING and demanding her money back for all 20+ of her friends who had to pay to get into her b-day party and a guy running from ABSOLUTELY NOTHING.

This guy looked scared as fuck. And he was just running. He was obviously under the influence of something. I stopped on a dime and homie ricocheted off the wall and landed right in front of me on top of a subway grate. Almost like a head first baseball slide. He then got up and kept running. And all his friend behind him could say was "Slow down, yo!"

7:32 PM  
Anonymous wex said...

man, i gotta apologize for that... i was just kiddin w/ diggedy when i told him that freddie foxxx had just overheard him saying that his verse on "the militia" was "EH".

9:13 PM  
Anonymous Diggedy said...

Amen to Dee Phunk. I HATE Times Square. You can't walk a single block in less than 20 minutes. Everyone is looking up at the lights.

I had a very funny experience with the emcees selling their albums. I'm coming out of Virgin and this guy is aggressively trying to sell me his album. Normally I try and say "no thank you", but that still leads to an hour long pitch. You know the scene in Airplane when he is walking through the airport and everyone is asking him for donations, and by the last guy he body slams them. After a couple of solicitations, on the last one I just told him I'm sorry, but that I hated hip hop. Wouldn't you know, that night, I'm at the Bowery Poetry Club for a hip hop show when some dude taps me on the shoulder and says "I know you".. I have that "yeah you look familiar but I still can't place you" face, when he put it together and said "you told me you fucking hate hip hop. asshole".

Only in Diggedy world kids. Only in Diggedy world.

10:05 PM  
Anonymous wex said...

i was walking down 6th ave near fat beats (first mistake), when some dude tried to sell me his cd. his pitch was "yo man, do you like hip hop?!?" ... and i, wearing a souls of mischief hoodie, and thinking he'd get the joke, smirked and said "nah". needless to say, he didn't see the irony... and proceeded to yell at me as i walked away, "well i probably dont like the SHIT that YOU listen to!"

now THAT'S hip hop.

10:25 PM  
Blogger The Suit said...

i love Airplane.

looks like picked the wrong week to stop sniffing glue.

11:14 PM  
Blogger russ the bus said...

A couple years ago this guy up on 6th ave is sellin this Kay Slay mixtape. Of course I give him the usual "no thanks" and he goes into the full pitch. He goes on to tell me he's Papoose, who at the time i had heard of but didnt know what he looked like, so i'm like whatever. I liked a few songs on the cd anyway so i cop it, dude even signs a fucking autograph on the inside of the cover.
Two hours later my brother calls me and says he just heard Angie Martinez talkin bout some dude telling people hes Papoose up on 6th. that he's just some guy. it was pretty hilarious. I got the fake papoose' autograph!

12:11 PM  
Blogger russ the bus said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

12:11 PM  
Anonymous Dee Phunk NYC said...

On a totally unrelated topic, I think Papoose is one of the most overrated NYC emcees of all-time. If this is the guy that's supposedly supposed to "bring back NY," we're fucked. And if I am found shot dead after the time of this comment, please show this to the authorities.

9:17 PM  
Anonymous Papoose said...

(A !) assassination abomination a bombin hating (B !) bringing the burner bustin bullets so I can turn a (C !) critical cat out choke him and chuck him in the trunk (D!) dastardly deed I done detonated the Dee Phunk.

2:07 AM  
Anonymous wex said...

ha!

hear hear dee phunk!!

2:08 AM  
Blogger russ the bus said...

Haha!

12:25 PM  

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